4mo post op

4mo post op!!! 

Stats:

15lbs lost for a total of 82lbs

Total of 43 inches gone!!

Dropped another size clothing for a loss of 6 sizes 

Milestones: 

I jumped in the trampoline with Caleb. He thought it was the greatest thing ever. He laughed and squealed the whole time. And that is why this surgery is a success!! 

I have enjoyed regularly wearing Jeff's T shirts and fleeces. Because I can!!! 

I had to make a quick visit to the doc this month for something non surgery related and I had the same doc who had referred me to the surgeon 9 months ago. She could hardly believe the transformation so far, that was really fun. And the fact that the nurse had to check the scale a couple of times and refer to my chart really made me smile :) 

We also took a quick anniversary trip and went to see the Eagles in concert and I or in the seats (which were pretty small for everyone ) and I fit! I would not have been able to fit pre surgery, in fact we would have all been crammed in and pretty miserable. 

It's been a great month and I can't wait for the upcoming holiday season. 

3 Months Post Op

 

 

I can’t believe I have been living this new life for 3 months already! It has really gone by fast. I am still learning more and more about this process and myself on a daily basis.

 

Here are the new stats:

 

20lbs lost for a total loss of 67lbs

Inches? I will update when I locate my measuring tape

Total of five sizes gone

 

So what are some of the big WOW moments for this month?? Well, for starters we took a family weekend trip to an indoor water park. Umm, two things concerned me: bathing suit and water slides….. I really wanted to go and I have been telling Jeff that I wanted to start living again and he sure did not let me forget it! I bought a new bathing suit, a once piece, without a skirt, and actually felt pretty comfortable in it. Jeff has a way of always making me feel more confident and he didn’t fail me this time either. So there we were, at the water park, standing in line after climbing 4 flights of stairs, and I start panicking. I told Jeff “I don’t know if I want to do this” “What if I don’t fit in the inner tube” “what if I flip over” whew I was so nervous. He said “didn’t you want to start living? Well babe, this is living!” Oh how I love him and need him in my life to remind me of things. So we loaded into the inner tube and off we went. We all fit, and I did not fall out or drown. And we had a great time! We proceeded to ride all of the rides and had a great time! I actually managed to lose 5 lbs. in that 3 days! Some folks have asked how I was able to eat properly while out of town cause that is usually a tough situation for some people. While everyone else ate at the resort buffet I heated up soup in our room and brought it with me (Campbell’s Soup at Hand containers are the bomb), or I had a protein shake at breakfast. The restaurant never said anything other than asking me if I was sure that I didn’t want to order off the menu. Turns out, I’m a cheap date.

 

One other thing happened that I am pretty elated about. I wanted to buy a shirt from Church for our upcoming festival. Well, they ran out of size XL and only had size L left. I told my friend Melissa that there was NO WAY that a size L would fit me. I mean come on, I have been wearing 3X and above for as long as I could remember. She tossed it to me anyway and told me to try it. I reluctantly tried it on the day before our weekend trip and MUCH TO MY SURPRISE it fit!!!!! I took it off so I could look at the tag again and yep, it says size L. I sported that shirt all weekend long!!! Of course, it is a standard Tee probably designed to fit a man but I DON’T CARE! J I will continue wearing that shirt till it falls off of my shrinking body. LOL

 

All in all it was a great month. Jeff and I were talking about other things on my “bucket list” and came across an article on zip lining. He’s all in, but I may have to be talked in tackling this adventure. Not quite sure how much living I am prepared for!

 

I had my 12wk post op apt with the Doc today. All went well, they were pleased with the progress and I return to see them again in 3 months.

 

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

2 Months Post Op

Stats: 19lbs down for a total loss of 47lbs

13.5in for a total of 31 ¼ inches gone

 

This has been a busy month full of changes! I feel better than ever and am enjoying things that I haven’t in a long time. We took the kids to the playground a couple of weeks ago and not only did I climb all over the equipment but I also slid down the slides and swung so high on the swings that even Amber was impressed. It felt so good. There’s also things that so many people take for granted until you’re not able to do it: I can fit in any booth at any restaurant. This was a huge deal because it was always this awkward moment when the waitress was seating us at a booth and either I crammed myself into it, or I asked for a table instead. Not anymore! I don’t ever want to sit at a table again. LOL I was playing in the floor with Caleb this week and Jeff came in the room and proclaimed “look at you, sitting Indian style!” I hadn’t even noticed but that was definitely something I haven’t done in years. Usually I would plop down in the floor awkwardly and pray that I could still breathe and that my appendages did not fall asleep too fast. I can also cross my legs! That was definitely a WOW moment for me. Amber and I did jumping jacks the other day, now it wasn’t pretty, but I did it. She laughed so hard cause certain parts were bouncing but was excited we were exercising together. See, it’s the little things that are changing on a daily basis that keep me excited!

 

Other milestones:

 

·        Can encircle my wrist with my other hand  - I don’t think I am as “big boned” as I always thought

·        Sold 35 pieces of clothing in sizes that I pray I never see again

·        Officially down 4 sizes

·        I can take the stairs at work without dying

 

As always, thank you for your encouragement!! 

The first month

Once home Jeff helped me settle on the couch in my stretchy pants with my blanket, pillow, and huge mug of water. I was unable to lay down in bed so I slept on the couch and recliner for the first week. I had lots of visitors and received flowers from Mom and my Aunt Carol. My Aunt Vicky spent over a week with me helping me get up and down and pushing the liquids down my throat since Jeff had to return to work. Caleb also came home at the end of the first week so she took care of him for me. I was so glad to see him but it sure was hard not being able to pick him up!

 

At the end of the first week I had my first post-op apt to remove the staples and was really hoping for the release to return to work. Having the staples removed were a breeze and I was so glad to have them out because they were starting to itch terribly. I had taken the tape off on day 3 because it started giving me blisters around the sutures. Ouch, that was worse than the incision itself. So I ended up with 6 incisions and a total of 20 staples. Have some pretty good scars but they are already fading. They don’t look any worse than the road map of stretch marks.

 

I was not given the release to return to work because I had lost 13lbs not including the 15+lbs they pumped into me while in the hospital. So they thought I was a bit dehydrated and wanted me to stay home to rehydrate and get in a good routine.

 

By day 10, I was completely off of my blood pressure meds and have not had to take them since. I monitor it at home to make sure it’s where it was supposed to be and it has been consistent ever since. So thankful!

 

Other milestones during the first month:

 

·        I can wear my wedding rings again! Haven’t worn them in nearly a year due to sausage fingers.

 

·        My horrific snoring as practically disappeared! Jeff used to hear my snoring while I was in the bedroom and he was on the porch. Yes, it was that bad. And now he is resting so much better also!

 

·        I bought 2 new pairs of dress shoes because I was literally tripping out of my size 9 wide’s. My new pairs are size 8 and 8.5 J

 

·        I have ankles!! NO MORE CANKLES! I want to stare at my feet.

 

·        Mom has taken in 5 pairs of my dress pants! What a great feeling J

 

·        I can wear my fave jeans from my first date with Jeff, nearly 8 years ago!

 

Total loss: 28lbs and 21.5 inches gone!

 

 

Surgery

Warning – this is long. So you might be bored, but I wanted to be able to look back on it in detail.

 

On the day before surgery I was on clear liquids only. I thought I would literally starve to death. Doesn’t sound like such a big deal but it was a real struggle for me. I complied because I knew if I didn’t the surgery may be canceled. I would not be able to care for Caleb for several days so we decided to spend the night with the in-laws in Wilmington to be closer to the hospital in the morning and they agreed to care of Caleb for the remainder of the week.

 

That was truly the worst night sleep of my life. I slept in the spare room on a twin bed with Caleb on the toddler bed next to me. We tossed and turned all night. Jeff tried to sleep on the couch but kept waking up as well, we tried to switch places at one point to no avail. We were in the kitchen around 3am talking about how we couldn’t sleep and all of a sudden we hear little running feet and “HEY!” out of sleepy headed little Caleb. He then wanted to play – with all of the loudest toys possible! Finally he went back to sleep around 5:00am. I was still up and started getting ready for SURGERY DAY! I had to bathe in an iodine solution to help prevent bacteria and infection. We were all packed up and set to walk out the door when Caleb comes running in the room from his bed. I guess he sensed Mommy was leaving him. I was actually glad he woke so I could give him a big hug and kiss. I was nervous about surgery but mostly about what he would do without me if something would have happened.

 

Jeff and I drove the few minutes to the hospital arriving quite early. We waited in the parking lot and tried to make light of the situation. Mom and Aunt Valerie soon arrived and we all went in to wait some more. I was assigned a pager and after about 15 minutes it rang. I was taken to the pre-surgery area and dressed in a gown, socks, and hair cover. Pretty sexy if I might say so. I had to pee in a cup, be weighed again, and was given my first ever IV of fluids. A little while later Jeff, Mom, and Aunt Valerie were allowed in to wait with me. The surgeon showed and asked if we had any questions or concerns. I’m pretty sure Mom may have asked him to take care of me. The anesthesiologist then showed and reminded me of the concerns  - not only morbid obesity but also severe sleep apnea. I have never had any surgery so it was unclear how I would react from the anesthesia.

 

A little bit later I was given a sedative right before being wheeled out of the room. I remember passing several doctors and nurses and waving. Several more double doors later and I was wheeled into a very bright and freezing room. I barely remember being aware of being moved from the bed to the operating table (HOW DID THEY DO THAT AND HOW MANY PEOPLE DID THAT TAKE???). I recall my arms being spread out and put on a board and then a sweet voice telling me to breath deep.

 

They had said the surgery would take about three hours. Mine actually took a bit longer because my liver was 2x the normal size. Eek. This made it difficult for the surgeon because he had to keep moving the camera to be able to see what he was doing.

 

Jeff knows how much I love the little details and without me even asking he jotted down this for me to read after surgery. I love him for that. I have laughed so many times at his way with words. He knew I would not like not knowing what was happening while I was out.

 

1016. You went to surgery. Me, Ma, and Val went to cafeteria and had lunch. I had two slices of pizza. Ma and Val had baked potatoes. Vesta was in waiting area when we got done eating

1136. Talked to Pam. She wanted to know when you would be in a room. Told her I'd call

1140. Posted to Facebook that surgery was underway

1145. Talked to mom and dad to let them know surgery was in progress

139. Pager went off. We went to conference room at station 2 and talked to dr. Miles. He said you were doing great and that things took a little longer because your liver was twice the size it should've been. OOPS. Came back to waiting area to wait for you to get out of recovery and to your room. Posted Facebook and texts and called mom

301. Oh God we are all so sleepy

319. Got beeped to go check in at women's hospital. Drove around and scored good parking. Checked in and learned that we beat you here. So again we wait. I type, Ma and Val shop and Vesta goes to cafe

400. Came to your room. You are wasted. Complaining of your back. Nurse said its common after lying on the surgery table for hours. You are complaining about being hot and I'm stretched out on couch

445 Vesta left and I called mom to check on kids All is ok. Bubby was very good today

530. You are still sleeping. Me and ma and Val went down to cafeteria for supper. We all had pizza. It was barferific. Of course I got myself a care package of sun drop, snickers cookies and such

600. Oh boy. You were getting your sugar checked and began the ole dry heaves. Nurse came in and gave you nausea meds. She said it would make you sleepy and it did. You're out, so no walking for now

630. Nurse brought towels and bed linens for me. I shower

740. I talked to you a few minutes while you we're awake. Then u sleep some more

830. Morphine pump went berzerko
844. Changed out pump

 

I greatly appreciated and laughed so hard when reading his notes the next day! He knows me so well that if he were to tell me they had lunch in the cafeteria that I would ask “what did you have?” LOL Love him.

 

I slightly remember Vesta being there. She gave me chapstick and played with my hair. I do remember being extremely hot after surgery. I had layers of blankets on but the compression socks were making me sweat. The only pain I had was the back pain. I felt like I had slept on concrete for days. I tried so hard to wake up. I could hear bits and pieces of conversations but could not open my eyes. That was some good sleep.

 

And then, while they were checking my sugar, I woke up. And boy did I wish that I could go back to sleep! I knew I had 6 incisions with at least 15 staples and the moment I started feeling like I was going to puke I panicked. I did not want to tear anything! I told Jeff “I’m gonna be sick, call the nurse” over and over. The nurse checking my sugar quickly got on the phone and another nurse rushed in with some good stuff that she administered through my IV. By the time she was done, I was out. Thankfully, I never actually threw up, just a bit of heaving. Ugh.

 

The respiratory therapist came in that night to set up my CPAP machine. So there I was – IV, catheter, compression socks, and a CPAP machine. I was pretty much chained to the bed. I tried my best to sleep and eventually I dozed off but woke to a blaring noise  -the battery in the morphine pump went ballistic! The nurse worked on that for a while and off to sleep again until about 4am. I woke with this urgent “I gotta pee” feeling. Which shouldn’t have happened because I was pretty sure the catheter was still in. Jeff was snoring. I had a CPAP mask on and could barely reach the Help button. When I did hit the button I couldn’t talk cause I had a mask on and was too tangled in cords to do anything about it. Thankfully, the nurse got the hint because I sounded like Darth Vader and she came to the room. I explained that I really had to pee and my bladder was screaming and when she checked the catheter she could see why. The line had twisted and wasn’t emptying into the bag. Good grief what a relief it was when she straightened the line. Off to sleep again I went.

 

The next morning brought new adventures. I was still not able to eat or drink anything until after I completed a barium test. But the highlight of the morning was having the compression socks, and catheter removed! Hallelujah! I still had an iv and morphine pump (which I only used once) but was then able to make a couple laps around the hall. I wouldn’t have won any races or anything, but did pretty good for just having abdominal surgery. The only pain I experienced was my chest felt like the doctor had completed the surgery while standing on me. That pain continued for a few days.

 

After my laps around the halls a nice staff member brought me a wheel chair with warm blankets and wheeled me to Radiology for my barium test. I was greeted by two techs and the radiologists. I stood against a cold metal wall that tilted in multiple directions. I was given two liquids to sip, pose for a picture, turn, sip, pose for picture and repeat. It was pretty cool to see the liquid travel my new stomach and shortened intestines. They were looking for any leaks and thankfully everything was perfect. Back to room I went.

 

I was then presented with a bariatric tray of liquids from the kitchen. Vegetable broth, jello, juice. The broth was ok, the jello and juice were incredibly too sweet. Although I was very thirsty, I was not hungry at all. In fact, I haven’t been hungry since surgery. Which is a crazy feeling for someone who was always hungry! Doctors say that I won’t actually feel hunger from some time. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

 

After a few more laps around the halls and a quick visit from the PA and nutritionist, I was given the ok to get dressed and be released. Yay!!! So a lovely nurse got her exercise that day and wheeled me all the way down to the parking lot where Jeff was waiting with the car. All of the staff at NHRMC were fantastic. I have nothing but great things to say about all of them. I dozed off and on during the car ride home which seemed bumpier than usual. LOL I had tried to look at my incisions but they were all covered in gauze and tape. That would have to wait for another day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

Pre-Op Requirements

At the first appointment at the surgeons office I completed loads of paperwork and waited my turn. Which gave me plenty of time to people watch, one of my favorite things to do. As it turns out, all I needed to do was go to a weight loss surgeon’s office to suddenly NOT be the biggest person in the room. I mentally thought that we are all in this together and that I hoped all of the waiting patients would be successful.

 

When you first go to the back of the office you stand on a heavy duty scale and then your vitals are taken. You discuss the several weight loss surgery options and they ask which one you are considering. I went in to the office pretty set on the RNY procedure also known as the gastric bypass. They also offer the Lap Band and the Gastric Sleeve. The nurse discussed the different pros and cons and sent me home with literature. She agreed that the RNY would be the best procedure for me since I had more to lose and my PCOS.

 

For my insurance to pick up the majority of the tab I had to complete quite a few steps before surgery. I had to start a low carb diet, attend 2 nutritional group sessions, 2 psych evaluations, weigh in at the office 5x, a gall bladder ultrasound and an EKG.

 

Well, I put off the diet until that last possible moment, so much so that I was told that if I didn’t lose 5-7lbs by my surgery date that it would be cancelled. The importance of this loss was to shrink my liver to make the surgery safer. I managed to lose 9lbs just before surgery. The nurse was ecstatic. (I don’t include my 9lb loss in my total loss since that might skew the numbers. So any loss is strictly from surgery date.)

 

The nutritional counseling sessions were both in Wilmington in a group environment with about 20 other potential patients. Mom went with me both times and honestly I learned so much information but we both found it hard not to laugh out loud a couple of times. There were several patients that really gave fat people a bad reputation. They came across as ignorant, lazy, defensive, etc. I have no idea how the nutritionist kept her patience. One particular lady felt the need to crack open her giant Pepsi during the “Soda is the Devil, no soda, no carbonation” speech from the nutritionist. And of course it made this loud sound and everyone looked to see her guzzling this forbidden liquid. LOL Same lady then argued about how she wasn’t going to be able to give up sugar and the only reason she was doing this surgery was because of her knees. She was literally one Twinkie away from a wheelchair. I wonder if she actually completed the requirements and had the surgery? If so, I really hope she was able to give up the soda, and the bad attitude.

 

I enjoyed both of my psych evals which were in a private setting with a counselor. We talked about my goals, what got me to the point of surgery, triggers, others way to cope besides shoveling food into my pie hole. At the end of my two sessions I had to take an hour long test of yes, no or true/false. This test helps to determine if I would be a good candidate for surgery and my potential for success. Turns out I passed with flying colors. J

 

The EKG and gall bladder u/s were a breeze. They wanted to see if I had any stones in the gallbladder because if so, they would have removed that organ while they in there. It was squeaky clean so I get to keep it. The EKG showed a healthy heart with no leaks or abnormalities. This kind of surprised me because it has really had to work hard  - so thankful for a healthy ticker.

 

On my last weigh in I was assigned a surgery date – July 16^th, 2013. I chose to look at it as my new birthday. J

Next step.

So I began talking to my friends and family and successful WLS patients. I learned so much in such a short amount of time but I knew that besides Jeff I would need the support of the other two most important people in my life.  My mom and older brother Kevin. And because I’m a chicken I emailed them:

 

Here is the email that I sent my Mom and my brother Kevin when I told them for the first time that I wanted to consult a bariatric surgeon.

 

Hey Mom and Kevin,
I know you are deep into the basketball game so you probably won’t read this for some time. Plus, you know how emotional I can be so I thought this topic might be better suited to start this way. After months of research and many deep conversations with Jeff I have made an appointment to get a referral to see Dr. Miles, a bariatric surgeon in Wilmington. I know this is scary. I am scared of complications from a major surgery. But I am more scared that I am going to have a heart attack, a stroke, die in my sleep from my severe sleep apnea, or have my kids read the words “morbid obesity” as my cause of death on my death certificate. I have used made many excuses about why I have never gone this route before. I have had 2 fertility doctors and scores of primary docs tell me that because of my PCOS that is virtually impossible to lose the amount of weight I need to lose on my own. Whenever they would tell me that I would huff up, leave and never give it another thought, bent on doing it on my own. The truth is I am an emotional, bored, social overeater who never feels full. I will use this surgery to have control over my body for possibly the first time in my memory. I want to do so many things such as jump on the trampoline, ride a horse, hot air balloon, shop in a normal store, walk a flight of stairs and not feel like dying. I want to not feel like a constant embarrassment to my family and friends and especially my children. I don’t want Amber to be the girl with the fat mom. I want to be a good example for them. Kevin, I wanted nothing more than to look nice at your wedding, and I was so embarrassed to meet your friends in fear that you would be embarrassed by me. I am not naïve to believe that the insecurities and self-image issues will go away immediately, this is something that will take some time. But it has to start with being able to look in the mirror and being happy with what I see. My weight struggles began as a kid, I even remember Grandma Mae telling me to lose weight because I didn’t want to be big like her. I thought she was perfect. I remember sitting in the study and Dad telling me that I needed to lose weight because people would take me more seriously in the business world if I fit in. I was 175 pounds then and thought I was doing ok. 14 years later + 100 pounds more and he probably had a point. I am well respected at work and looked up too, but my size may have held me back to some extent. I would like your support in this because I can’t do this without you. After several years of half-heartedly discussing this, Jeff has finally taken me serious and is on board to visit the doctor with me. He wants me to be around for a long time. Give it some thought, I know you will have questions and concerns that we can talk about. Love ya’ll. K.

They were both very receptive to this and we all discussed their questions and concerns anytime they arose. My wonderful supportive Mom went with me on most appointments due to Jeff’s work schedule. She sat with me through 2 nutrition classes, 5 appointments at the surgeon’s office which was mostly just an insurance requirement to weigh in each month prior to surgery. I value her support so much and the 6 month pre surgery process was much more enjoyable with her on my side.

 

My friends and family have been so very supportive and encouraging. That truly makes all the difference.

New blog. New Attitude. New Me.

Well, I am almost two months post op and I have thought daily about starting a blog to record this journey. I have had many people ask if I was going to because I was so open about our infertility and adoption journey it just seems natural to want to record this very big part of weight loss surgery and life beyond. But it’s been a very hard decision to share a weight loss blog with the world. (ok, maybe to a few select folks). It’s personal. It’s emotional. It’s embarrassing. It’s very real. And maybe that’s why I should share it. Maybe it will help inspire others regardless of their opinion on weight loss surgery. I don’t think WLS is for everyone, heck I’ve spent over a decade making excuses as to why I would NOT get WLS. Turns out I only needed two little reasons to do it – One is 10 years old, the other just 18months. My life. Why wouldn’t I do everything in my power to make sure I was here for them? So here goes. I pray my honesty and embarrassing information doesn’t change the way you see me.

I am 34 years old and can honestly say that I have been medically considered morbidly obese for 17 of those 34 years. Now, I did not feel morbidly obese during all of those 17 years. In fact, I look back on my pictures from age 16, 17, 18 and I look pretty darn good. But the numbers don't lie.

What was the final straw for me? There was not just one thing but more a culmination. I was acutely aware that I was (& had been for a long time) the largest person in most rooms. I hated that. I put on a smile but inside I felt like all eyes were on me, and not with good reason. I felt frumpy. Not attractive and certainly not appealing. Even though I am beyond happily married, what girl doesn’t want to at least feel attractive??

 

Let me insert a side note here – I have a loving, supportive husband who loves me without a doubt. I was heavy when we met, fell in love, married, and beyond and I know that he would love me without a doubt if I never lost an ounce. There is so much comfort in that. Once I knew he was on board this surgery became for ME. 

 

I digress. So another factor in making my decision was an incident at my job that I just couldn’t get out of my head. I work with special accounts assisting families when a loved one passes away. This means I talk to lots of grieving families and see many death certificates. A few months ago I was presented a death cert with the cause of death listed as Morbid Obesity. After talking with the family it turns out that the deceased was a young lady (my age) and recently had a minor sprained ankle and while resting she had an embolism and died. A direct result of being morbidly obese. Two things occurred to me – I was considered morbid obese and I am also extremely clumsy. That could have been me. That could have been my husband having to explain to my kids that yes, mommy had a sprained ankle but she actually died from being too big. WOW. Defining moment for me. I cried for her, for him and for their kids. And I vowed to really think about my life and what I was going to do to change it.

Because I have never had any real success with diets, weight loss programs or exercise routines, I found myself plagued with the following:

High Blood Pressure -  I took meds every day

Obstructive Sleep Apnea - supposed to wear a mask, but didn't because I absolutely loathe it to my core and used my baby as an excuse not to wear the mask so that I may hear him in the night if he wakes.

PCOS with insulin resistance  - I may have had this before I became obese, hard to tell. Research shows that many women, regardless of size are affected by PCOS. I have had several docs say that it is nearly impossible to lose the amount of weight I need to on my own (meaning without surgery) because of the PCOS and the way my body responds to sugar, carbs, and food in general. It stores more into fat than most people. Because of PCOS, I am infertile. I am barren. I have skin tags, facial hair, and acne. Sounds beautiful, right? I only have a menstrual cycle every few months, maybe. Sporadic at best. I was diagnosed with PCOS 11 years ago at my first fertility specialist appointment.

My hands and feet retained fluid. Lots and lots of fluid. One doctor thinks it's because of the medicine I was taking for the PCOS, so he took me off of the meds and put me on a water pill to reduce the swelling. I thoroughly enjoyed taking the water pill and stopping what I am doing at work every 15 minutes to rush to the bathroom. Not.

All of that, not to mention that I was often exhausted (because I don't rest well due to the apnea), out of breath, out of energy, and battle depression due to all of this. I kept it internalized pretty well, and most people didn't know that my size even bothered me. Fat people are usually funny people right? My sense of humor has bode me well over the years.

So what made me this way?

It's a combination of things really. I loved food, I loved to eat new foods, loved eating out, eating socially with family and friends, trying new recipes, new restaurants, and having friends over for dinner. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, pretty much any time the mood struck me.

I ate to celebrate with family and friends when any of us had accomplishments, birthdays, holidays.

I ate when something bad happens. I gained 30 pounds the year after I lost my father. It started the day he died. I sat in the dining room of my parents house and it was filled with nothing but sweets. My weakness. I sat at the large table that was covered with chocolate (mom's fave) and tried something from every plate. I never even tasted it. I just crammed it in. Because it was there and I needed to fill a void. It didn't work. It just made me feel sick. And guilty for overeating. I didn't throw up though, that's never been my thing. I have never been anorexic or bulimic. I liked food too much and I hate to vomit, so neither of those would ever suit me.

So what have I done about it???

In high school I went on a strict diet of white rice, bananas, and apple fig newtons. What kind of diet is that??? I have no idea, but I did shed some pounds. Not for long though.

I have been on phen phen and phentermine about 5 times. Lost about 30 pounds each time, but caused my heart to race so I had to stop taking it. As soon as I stopped taking it my appetite returned and so did the weight.

I have joined weight watchers three times. I do believe their plans work. Mostly. I attended the meetings, bought their books and food, counted points, and kept a food diary. I quit that too when the results were not fast enough. I never lost more than 15lbs any time.

I nearly killed myself at the gym. I joined the gym 2x in my life. There was a time when I went to the gym 2 times a day, and hit every class they offered. I felt good about myself and saw some major results in clothing sizes even though the scale did not feel the loss. I burned myself out and allowed my desire to spend more time with my new boyfriend (now husband) get in the way with continuing the progress. I really kick myself for that.

I have counted calories, carbs, fat grams, glycemic index count, kept a food diary, weighed food, done salt free, carb free, low fat, fat free, sugar free, nothing processed, nothing white. pretty much anything you can think of .


Why surgery?

 I was at a point in my life well it really felt like "do or die" time. I want to live to see my children grow up, I want to see my grandchildren. I want to be healthy enough to enjoy my children and grandchildren. I want to ride horses, roller coasters, jump on trampolines, and anything else my kids ask me to do. I want to check the mail without breathing hard. I want to look really really good in a pair of jeans. I want to paint my own toe nails. There are so many things I want to do.

I was scared that if I didn't do something soon, I would not have the chance to do something. It would have been too late. And my husband and kids would be looking at cause of death - Morbid Obesity.